One-liners :)

Sometimes a majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

Good girls are bad girls that never get caught ;p

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.

Even if you manage to convince me that I am gay, I am NOT going to sleep with you.

If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, then why is it still number 2?

We'll get along just fine as soon as you realize I'm God.

Vegetarian: native American definition for "lousy hunter".

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?

Politicians have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

I don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

Join The Army, visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.

Choose a job you like and you will never have to work a day of your life.

Attend church weekly NOT weakly.

Anyone who thinks they are too small to make a difference, has never been in bed with a mosquito.

They call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

I don't approve of political jokes, I've seen too many of them get elected.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

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"No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious." - George Bernard Shaw