Yesterday was the day I should have died...but then one of ny exams was postponed so it just delayed the inevitable. It was a reeally hectic day...but it had a somewhat happy ending, or rather, the day didn't end at all. But I'll get to that later. After taking my physics finals exam, which I desperately needed to pass, I had to rush back to the venue for the Induction Night club event which I was in charge of. Though the last last minute details were a bit rushed, I think it was a small success. I guess people don't have too many complains so as long as you put something in their mouths. We ended sometime around 10 o'clock pm then esther invited the officers for a round of drinks in Starbucks...her treat. Naturally, no one refused the offer, hehe. So off we went to bond over a couple of frappucinos(<-probably not the right spelling) and kill time...which is always a good thing to do among friends. Most of them had 'curfews' by 11pm so rowelle, kooky, kendrick and I decided to go to eastwood and go on an all-nighter...and that we did. We walked around at first to some bookstores and exhibits then decided to play billiards, but after finding out that the sports bars had a long waiting list, we decided to kill time in some disco/bar called Ipanema. There were a lot of people standing and dancing to the loud music but we just stood around for a while admiring the 'finer' things in life (except fot kooky). Then we decided to sit outside and have a round of drinks. Ken and Rowelle had san mig light, kooky had a Miller and I settled for Iced tea(their eyebrows raising). Then, rowelle starts up this game supposedly done among drinking buddies. it's designed for two people where both persons have ten questions for each person. Since there were four of us, we then had 5 questions for each other, and we could ask anything under the sun...and I mean ANYTHING! And boy, the questions they asked! Plus pwede pang magsama ng corollary or follow-up question from the main question...so mahaba-haba talaga yung usapan. We ended up spilling out information about our 'darker' secrets, our frustrations, some crazy as well as scary experiences that we would have rather left unsaid, buried and forgotten. And at the end of it all, we ended up finding out stuff about each other or divulging stuff about ourselves more than what we wanted to. As for me, i got a closer look and a somewhat inward glimpse of the drive that motivates or haunts these three individuals. But it was also funny how we all tried to corner each other with the barrage of questions which turned out to be more of an interrogation rather than a bonding session, hehe. We were on our way to our respective homes by 6am. I couldn't get to sleep right away, actually, I wasn't sleppy at all. I got to think about the the questions they asked, my responses and their reactions to my response. I always hate the feeling of having to say things but end up feeling like I haven't said anything at all. Or even sometimes, when I think that my ideas to most things are in always constant conflict...I say one thing at one time then later think that maybe that wasn't it at all but something else. I guess, everyone has times they can't figure themselves out...well, probably people can't really figure themselves out at all. period. But if ever I do figure things out...I think that would make a rather interesting entry. Maybe.

... a few more stuff you could copy, paste and answer:)

FAVORITE BOARD GAME?: power play

FAVORITE MAGAZINE/s?
Reader's Digest

FAVORITE SMELLS?
food, baby scents, vanilla and the beach

FAVORITE PART OF OPPOSITE SEX?
legs, eyes, mouth and hair (on the head!)

FAVORITE SOUND?
rustling winds

BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
being with someone you care about (and they care about you too!)

WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?
5.0 in the classcard

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
five more minutes... five more minutes of sleep...just five more...zzzz

ROLLER COASTER - SCARY OR EXCITING?
SCARY!

HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?:
Usually 2 to 4

FUTURE DAUGHTER'S NAME?:
first name: Annaelle
second name: Beatrize

FUTURE SON'S NAME?:
1st son: james 2nd son: Christian 3rd son: david

FAVORITE FOODS?
SPICY FOODS!!! (Indian, Thai, Spanish, Mexican, Japanese, Italian) Chinese food, lechon, CHOCOLATE!!!

DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE?
yup but I don't have a car or a license yet

DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?:
nope

STORMS - COOL OR SCARY?
cool basta you're wid some pals and you tell just eat and tell scary stories

WHAT TYPE WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?:
don't have one til now but I want a FRONTIER or an ECLIPSE

IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE?
laeticia casta

FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?:
I don't drink...

WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?:
gemini

WHAT IS YOUR FAVE SONG/BAND? songs/bands/artists
Matchbox 20/ Lene Marlin/ Plumb/"with or without you"/"right here waiting"/"Somebody"

DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI?:
yep

IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED, WHAT WOULD ITBE?
professional athlete (soccer)/comic book artist/ environmentalist explorer

IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR?
streaks of blonde

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN LOVE?:
yes

IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL?:
there is nothing in the glass...at all

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SNAPPLE?
the free kind

FAVORITE MOVIES?:
crimson tide, a few good men, lotr, amelie

ARE YOU A LEFTY, RIGHTY, OR AMBIDEXTROUS?:
All of the above! lefty: drawing, billiards, brushing,writng
ambi: punching, table tennis, kicking, badminton, bowling
righty:everything else

DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS?:
no

WHAT'S UNDER YOUR BED?:
dust, dirty picture frames and sometimes dirty laundry

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NUMBER?
5

FAVORITE TV SHOW?
Fear factor, 24, the practice and a buncha funny sitcoms

01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love psychodelic mushrooms
04. I love sleeping
05. I have loads of books
06. I once slept in a bathroom
07. I love playing video games
08. I adore marijuana
09. I watch porn movies
10. I watch them with my father
11. I like sharks
12. I love spiders, I think they're adorable, especially the ones with bright colours on their backs
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair
14. I like George Bush
15. I am cool
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a jacuzzi and a Porsche
18. I have a lot to learn
19. I carry my knife everywhere
20. I can be really really smart (unfortunately, that's not all the time)
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret
23. I hate snow
25. Punk rock rules
26. I hate Bill Gates!
27. I love Chinese food
28. I would hate to be famous (depends what I'm famous for)
29. I am so not a morning person
30. I wear glasses
31. I don't need glasses, except sunglasses
32. I have potential
33. I'm pure Japanese
34. My legs are two different sizes (or so I think)
35. I have a twin
36. I wear a padded bra sometimes
37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing
38. I'm left-handed
39. I hate llamas, but I'm one of them
40. I don't like horror movies
41. I suck at climbing, but I love it anyway
42. People hate me usually
43. I love pop music
44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight
45. I hate parking fines
46. I know the national anthem of my country by heart
47. I know more than two languages (trying, at least)
48. I can spend too much time on the computer
49. I often want to throw out the computer in a window
50. I live on a ground floor
51. I don't like chocolate
52. I'd like to be more original
53. I've lied a lot of times
54. Cocks are my favorite birds *evil grin*
55. I want to conquer the world (but let other people do it for me)
56. I wonder what happens when I die
57. I've read all books about Harry Potter (just the novels.. not all the other extra things)
58. i love my cat. (s)
59. I love to exercise
60. I hate chemistry with a passion and math, too!
61. I love to write but I wish I could be as interesting as some people
62. I like changes
63. I hate going to class
64. I am afraid to die
65. I hate dish washing with a passion! 66. My hair is long, brown, and incredibly curly
67. My nails are nine inch long
68. My favorite color is black (one of, actually)
69. I like to sleep on the floor
70. I am hopeless at cooking
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little
72. I should be doing something else rather than doing this
73. I am online a lot
74. I hate government
75. I don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend
76. I'm too nice for my own good (shocking, ain't it?)
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can
78. I don't trust newspapers
79. I like debating
80. I live in a wagon
81. I clean my room once a month (at least)82. I'm scared of american fast food
83. I have a third eye
84. I love Mozambique
85. I don't trust any religion
86. I used to play with barbies only because all the other girls were doing it
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little
88. I like listening to (the) wind chimes
89. I'm very disorganized
90. My hair is long and straight or they could be...
91. I earn a lot
92. I don't like spicy food
93. I keep a diary
94. I can't do cartwheels
95. I can be very lazy
96. I'm sarcastic more often than not
97. I think my hair can be annoying
98. I could be sensitive
99. I love being "ab-normal"

I'll be back in Cebu in about week...can't say I'm excited though. That's always been a weird thing about me, going back or leaving home has never been a big deal for me. For as long as I can remember, even when I was still a college freshman, this has always been the case. I guess I'm just not too sentimental about home anymore. Anyhow, I just plan to lounge around the house, catch up on all the wrestling and anime programs I've been missing and definitely get a lot of sleep! Of course, I'll try to get out of the house as much as I can too and see my friends. Ooh boy, which reminds me, I have to play 'boyfriend' to my bestfriend again coz she wants to ward off her scary admirers..., I'm not a good actor so good luck nalang, hehe. I can't say I'm comfortable with the situation but I guess I have to step up and help her out. I just hope my brothers or my parents (especially my mom) don't catch me walking around looking rather more intimate than usual with my best bud...my mom would probably freak out...and cebu is such a small place,haha. But that's really the least of my worries, considering that I have some 'secrets' that need telling to some of the people close to me.

And of course...there's the matter of getting on an airplane again. i hate flying...

"...and it's me you need to show... How deep is your love...hoW.. DeEp is yOur love... I really need to learn..." The song's playing right now in the cafe, one of my favorite classics. I'm reminded of times when me and my brothers just fool around the living room and do acapella's of songs like these, not that we're any good (except for the 2nd bro who actually took lessons), but still, it's fun. We're scattered around the Philippines right now, me and my family. The eldest has trips around Luzon, part of his job. The 2nd is in Bukidnon, having a barkada trip after passing the board and becoming a doctor. My dad's in Gensan, me and my youngest bro are here in...duh...Quezon City. The only two people actually still in our house right now are my mom and 3rd eldest bro (funny coz these two are like cats and Dogs...I hope the house is still standing when we get back,hehe). I wonder how interesting it would have been if we had a sister. Well, the actual reason why we reached a number of five siblings in the first place was the effort of my parents to have a daughter. Its my dads fault (for explanation: refer to biologists). But in a way, it's a good thing I guess that we are all guys na rin, since they say we are the last or only known remaining male bloodlines bearing our family name. It's leaves a higher probability to ...uhm...make sure the line doesn't end. Well, the song is finished now and I've gotta go. may exam pa ako bukas and once again I haven't studied for it yet...

"Those who don't learn from the past are condemned to repeat it"-?_?

I finally got my room back to liveable conditions, well at least for the next few weeks or so. It took me till four in the morning to finish up but it was worth it, I could breath easier now that i know there will be no more places for fist-sized spiders and foot long snakes to hide in, whew! But for some strange reason, I've always enjoyed cleaning up and rearraning my stuff after things start getting too messy. Probably, it's because I end up going down memory lane as i rediscover some trinkets of sentimental value or reread some old letters. Of course, it's not the most systematic way of going about to clean your room, but I've always been a sucker for sentimentality (though contrary to popular belief). I got to think of friends I haven't thought of in a long time. I guess I miss them, and I probably miss the way I was when I was with them too. In any case, summer is fast approaching anyway, so maybe I'll get a chance to meet the ol' gang again and catch up.

....


All this remembering stuff just reminded me that it's March of 2004. Five years ago, I would have thought of this month as the month I would graduate. And I've been thinking...thinking that if everything went on perfectly as planned and that if I had done everything that I was suppose to, I would be looking forward to graduating by the end of the month. Then probably, I would be looking forward to having my first paycheck, maybe I could get car, maybe even find someone nice...and not have to go through the guilt and the thoughts of uncertainty. Hmm, come to think of it, I'd most probably be looking forward to asking 'her' out...finally...if she still doesn't have a boyfriend or something. But sadly, my life is not on track... and I don't have any of these things to look forward to anytime soon. I'm still relatively young, but somehow I feel like I've already wasted my life away, that I have too many regrets and I gave up on a lot of things not knowing why or not even remembering when. Sometimes I feel i could have done more...I should have done more... If I knew what it was I wanted to do in the first place... I don't know. all this thinking hurts.

In the end, all I hope is that I get as many chances as it takes...to just keep trying...to keep fighting. And whether I win or lose, that it would be okay (yeah right!)...that the people closest to me could learn to say it's okay for me to fail every now and then and that they'll accept me no matter what. But then again... I did let things get this far and get way out of hand... wouldn't blame them if they didn't. I guess my pains have always been about disappointing people who expected more from me. Maybe I shouldn't have been too eager to be the good son or friend (if I ever was) when I was younger. That way, they wouldn't have expected much from me now. Sometimes, I wonder if anyone ever really gets to live out their lives, or are they just too busy living out someone elses or what someone else wants their life to be. Does anyone even realize that we don't live forever? That this meager 5 to 8 decades is all the time that will be afforded to us? ...And I'm spending mine asking all these stupid questions that won't get me anywhere. I guess I just felt like asking anyway.

....

I've finally gotten my room looking in a somewhat orderly fashion.. Sure, it took me till 4 in the morning but what's a guy to do when he can't get some sleep. Anyhow, one of the fun parts of having to rearrange stuff is that we get to rediscover or at least look over the personal stuff we have hidden away somewhere. It's always a pleasure to go down memory lane...though sometimes you can't help but feel a pang of loneliness when you realize how things have changed and relationships with old friends have been somewhat distant. Things change awfully fast.