...will be updated
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“All men have a sweetness in their life. That is what helps them go on.
It is towards that they turn when they feel too worn out.”
-Albert Camus
There has always been something in silence that seduced me. The quiet things somehow seem more moving, more potent. So much stays in the realm of the unsaid, and after everything else, still so much would remain when we could say all that we can.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
A Thought a Year Ago
It's around 4 in the morning. No surprise that I'm still awake. It's like the good old days- the wandering days. My mind wanders here and there, but sadly nowhere new. Sadly, nothing's ever new. It must be noted though that I don't feel like running anymore, or walking out the cold lonely streets where hungry people are the only ones left awake.
Maybe that's what I am, one of the hungry. Jesus said as much. But I won't talk about God right now lest I confuse my thoughts as His.
Life is a funny thing. So many contradictions. So many inconsistencies. So meaningless. The daily posturing is meaningless. Most talk is meaningless. Trees have said nothing yet I feel they have done more than I or most other people in this world.
Maybe it is pride that makes me hate this world so. Maybe I want to look at it like a glass jar and amuse myself at how absurd it is. Maybe I want to think myself apart from it-different. But then that would be denial.
....
“You may wonder, 'How can I leave it all behind if I am just coming back to it? How can I make a new beginning if I simply return to the old?' The answer lies in the return. You will not come back to the 'same old thing.' What you return to has changed because you have changed. Your perceptions will be altered. You will not incorporate into the same body, status, or world you left behind. The river has been flowing while you were gone. Now it does not look like the same river.” -Steven Foster
Maybe that's what I am, one of the hungry. Jesus said as much. But I won't talk about God right now lest I confuse my thoughts as His.
Life is a funny thing. So many contradictions. So many inconsistencies. So meaningless. The daily posturing is meaningless. Most talk is meaningless. Trees have said nothing yet I feel they have done more than I or most other people in this world.
Maybe it is pride that makes me hate this world so. Maybe I want to look at it like a glass jar and amuse myself at how absurd it is. Maybe I want to think myself apart from it-different. But then that would be denial.
....
“You may wonder, 'How can I leave it all behind if I am just coming back to it? How can I make a new beginning if I simply return to the old?' The answer lies in the return. You will not come back to the 'same old thing.' What you return to has changed because you have changed. Your perceptions will be altered. You will not incorporate into the same body, status, or world you left behind. The river has been flowing while you were gone. Now it does not look like the same river.” -Steven Foster
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Change. It is constant and undeniable.
I need to change- for the better.
But is it possible to change when everything stays constant?
Can I change if the people I have around me cannot?
Can I change when many things around me is a shackle to my soul?
I need to change. And if things here cannot and they keep me from it,
then maybe I have to go. I have to leave- far far away.
I have to go. I have to change.
I need to change- for the better.
But is it possible to change when everything stays constant?
Can I change if the people I have around me cannot?
Can I change when many things around me is a shackle to my soul?
I need to change. And if things here cannot and they keep me from it,
then maybe I have to go. I have to leave- far far away.
I have to go. I have to change.
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Friendships can end with time. It can end with distance and unspoken things, with the change of seasons and priorities, with happenings too much or too few to count. It can end with remembering too little or a little too much. It can end with at least one to be potent. It can end simply because it cannot be anything more. It can end.
If friendships end, I would not notice its final passing. It does not send a letter of its departure. I am only left only with a memory- it's weight I cannot measure. I am left with no assurance of its truthfulness or value. It leaves me insecure as to what step to take, doubt the road I tread, wonder under which constellation I must chart against. If you are lost, there is no difference between standing still and traveling at the speed of light.
The lie may be in believing the grief to be the truth in itself- that grief is the only truth. Its design was not to make it its own reality, but to be the midpoint of two. Two realities. Two choices. Life or Death.
...
"The bird a nest
the spider a web
the human friendship."
-William Blake
Monday, January 24, 2011
Missing my favorite sport and other thoughts
The familiar sound of a good kick to the ball was very soothing and certainly inviting. Too bad I don't have the skill of making new friends for the sake of sports, not even for my fave -soccer. Might be something I have to work on one of these days while I'm still -ehem- young.
The larger group of soccer aficionados in the Sunken Garden was a bunch of Koreans and I opted to watch their game for a while. Regardless on whether the opinion is valid or not, I thought I was actually better than them at the sport. Just some strong kicks and running around, I didn't really see anything impressive or any good ball movement or control. On the left corner part of the field from where I was were a bunch of older men, and by my take were of some middle eastern nationalities. They had a better skill-set but were much older and hence a little more conservative in their efforts in the game. I kept watching the Korean group though; something about the strong kicks, the thuddy sound the ball makes, and maybe how I was reminded of just playing the game when I was younger kept me glued to the spot and jealous.
I wanted to play soccer, plain and simple. I'm not that bad at it yet somehow there I was on the corner watching people play it. I wonder how and why I've allowed myself to be in a life where I am just in the sidelines watching the things I love. And i realize that this has been the case with most other things and not just in sports.
Maybe I do need to make resolutions after all.
....
"To be aware of a single shortcoming in oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in someone else." - Tenzin Gyatso
The familiar sound of a good kick to the ball was very soothing and certainly inviting. Too bad I don't have the skill of making new friends for the sake of sports, not even for my fave -soccer. Might be something I have to work on one of these days while I'm still -ehem- young.
The larger group of soccer aficionados in the Sunken Garden was a bunch of Koreans and I opted to watch their game for a while. Regardless on whether the opinion is valid or not, I thought I was actually better than them at the sport. Just some strong kicks and running around, I didn't really see anything impressive or any good ball movement or control. On the left corner part of the field from where I was were a bunch of older men, and by my take were of some middle eastern nationalities. They had a better skill-set but were much older and hence a little more conservative in their efforts in the game. I kept watching the Korean group though; something about the strong kicks, the thuddy sound the ball makes, and maybe how I was reminded of just playing the game when I was younger kept me glued to the spot and jealous.
I wanted to play soccer, plain and simple. I'm not that bad at it yet somehow there I was on the corner watching people play it. I wonder how and why I've allowed myself to be in a life where I am just in the sidelines watching the things I love. And i realize that this has been the case with most other things and not just in sports.
Maybe I do need to make resolutions after all.
....
"To be aware of a single shortcoming in oneself is more useful than to be aware of a thousand in someone else." - Tenzin Gyatso
Sunday, January 16, 2011
I take a cab at the corner of Bo's not far from my place. I've got my badminton gear with me and am quite happy with the thought that after a long drought from any sports activity I was finally gonna get some action.
I'm all settled in the cab and tell the driver I'm headed to Timog.
"Sa GMA ka ba?" he asks.
"Banda doon po" I replied.
"Anong show ka? Napanood na ba kita sa tv?"
"Ho?" I'm not sure what he means so repeats his question.
I told him I wasn't going to the station itself and that I wasn't an artista or had any tv projects. Then he told me that I would be one day. Even calling me at one point of the conversation a "magandang lalake". And no, he's not gay. He talks to me about his family and how he still needs to work though he's pushing near sixty, and how he loves movies. To my surprise he did seem to be knowledgeable in the field from the Filipino classics and to even foreign art films. He says he has a knack for things and tells me a story that he also had a passenger long ago way back when he was younger and told her that she too was going to be a star. And she did, and her name was Vina Morales. Haha, yes, quite funny. I dunno if he was pulling my leg but he seemed to narrate from an actual memory.
I told him I had no plans on an acting career, but actually hoped and am working to be a director/filmmaker.
He asked for my name so that one day when he sees my movies he can say that I was in his cab. I also asked for his and told him that if I make it, I'll give him a shout out. Haha!
Only time will tell.
....
"Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done with, and the future is uncertain." -Marcus Aurelius
I'm all settled in the cab and tell the driver I'm headed to Timog.
"Sa GMA ka ba?" he asks.
"Banda doon po" I replied.
"Anong show ka? Napanood na ba kita sa tv?"
"Ho?" I'm not sure what he means so repeats his question.
I told him I wasn't going to the station itself and that I wasn't an artista or had any tv projects. Then he told me that I would be one day. Even calling me at one point of the conversation a "magandang lalake". And no, he's not gay. He talks to me about his family and how he still needs to work though he's pushing near sixty, and how he loves movies. To my surprise he did seem to be knowledgeable in the field from the Filipino classics and to even foreign art films. He says he has a knack for things and tells me a story that he also had a passenger long ago way back when he was younger and told her that she too was going to be a star. And she did, and her name was Vina Morales. Haha, yes, quite funny. I dunno if he was pulling my leg but he seemed to narrate from an actual memory.
I told him I had no plans on an acting career, but actually hoped and am working to be a director/filmmaker.
He asked for my name so that one day when he sees my movies he can say that I was in his cab. I also asked for his and told him that if I make it, I'll give him a shout out. Haha!
Only time will tell.
....
"Every man's life lies within the present; for the past is spent and done with, and the future is uncertain." -Marcus Aurelius