A Story

She stood a few paces from the door where he was standing. He avoided her eyes, knowing it was her best chance to make him stay. The moment seemed to dally, like the whole of reality had to pause and pay witness.

"I have to go now, while there's still a little piece of me left here. I don't want to leave when I'm already gone."

Then he left and the silence seemed final.

....

"People change and forget to tell each other."-Lillian Hellman

We are part of a reality we cannot fully comprehend,
making our existence either a comedy or a tragedy.

History is not the study of who people were, but of how people were remembered- the choices of what to remember, true or not, biased or unbiased. Why do bring this up? Oh I don't know. Sometimes I just wonder at how much we might really know about one another- the past or the present, of ourselves or of anyone else.

To live a lie is easy. People will take anything at face value. If for some reason one would want to wear a mask, then people will only see the mask. At your own risk, you might even become the mask. No one would be left lying around to tell you who you are. It really isn't like the movies where there is at least this one friend who knows "the real you", one who wouldn't give up on you, or at some critical juncture of your life explain to the ill-informed populace the logic, motivations and truths behind the things you do and essentially the why's of who you are. No, such speeches are reserved for your funeral, where people consider it polite to talk differently about you as opposed to what they would usually say if you were still around.

If what I've said is true, then this would mean that relationships are work. Hard work. Well the ones you want to be real anyway. It would be a constant attempt to communicate, be understood and be understanding. I could list down all kinds of things that one will need to make it work, but at some point it will really boil down to faith. And by faith, I mean a conviction to believe how something or someone is. A choice to say that this is what I know. This is what I believe. This is the truth. Without faith there can be no patience. Without faith there can be no waiting. Without faith there can be no genuine act of friendship or acceptance.

The trouble of living in truth (or the truth you've accepted) is it's nature of exclusiveness. To believe in something is to say that some of the other things are just plain untrue. Wrong. False. Absurd. Evil. We were born into a world of war, and it will remain that way long after we are gone.

I am not surprised then to see that a great multitude would rather remain in a state of unbelief. I can certainly see the appeal, especially since I succumb to it every now and then as well. In this state, no real strength or intellect is required of us. It is a world of illusion where all things are really still okay. A world of weakness where we do not challenge our own God given identities and destinies. A world of friends who are really strangers.

Hmmm...I'm not yet sure if this entry is a comedy or a tragedy.

....

"Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are." - Bernice Johnson Reagon

She is my patch of grass,
Keeping my feet cool with morning dew,
It tickles me uncomfortably only to
Remind me that life is a surprise
Repeated over and over again.
From a distance, an invitation.
In the moment, within its reality,
a fleeting bliss that wished for eternity.
The morning light to my night sky,
Promising the bright unknown, it hushes
Yesterday into but a whisper.

Apparent from unkempt sheets, she is not home.
She looks at me from the top drawer,
teasing me of her existence.
I hear a bell, or is it a ring, or the ever
So gentle wind of a passing, or even
Without touch or sound,
her presence or absence is always announced.

....

"Nobody sees a flower -- really -- it is so small it takes time -- we haven't time -- and to see takes time, like to have a friend takes time." - Georgia O'Keeffe

Rant #284

Wisdom is tiring if it only visits you at the end of the day, by the breath of your pillow with a tired back. Must regret whisper their names just before the day's door closes? Why doesn't it greet me with the attack of daybreak? If the sunlight, the crowds and the day's toils only makes me forget what I will later remember, then take these things from me.

There is no meaning in their words. It's just noise. It's ALL noise. Ideas with faces are the easiest ones to hate. Why do I stay around things I could so easily leave behind? They come to me with their lies. They come with their ignorance. They come with their own hate and share of shadows. I have enough of my own, and make no mistake...I will fight yours much more than I might ever hope to beat mine.

....

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." - Alan Cohen

"Without courage, wisdom bears no fruit." -Baltasar Gracian