Home

That word eludes me nowadays. I'm not sure where it is. Not even sure if it's even suppose to be a place. But thinking about it now, it's more of a time I guess, a time when things weren't so darn complicated. I remember happiness vaguely, but I know I found it with my 12 year-old friends in our little misadventures in school that had nothing to do with school; or at times like Christmas when I was younger, when we used to have a tree in the house all lit up and the carolers (even if they were from the squatters from the back) still came to give their often off-key holiday well-wishing for a few pesos and the occasional sweets; or in every morning when I'd spot that Magnolia turtle-top on the way to our high school; or the times when we would hike on the nearby hills or explore our backyard for bugs, spiders and small animals to pass the time on summer; or sitting on the ledge with a friend and talking till 4 am; or running at full speed on my bike so when I'd hit the speed bump in our neighborhood I'd get to know what it's like to fly for a little while; or staying out all night with friends, sharing ghost stories, love stories, crazy thoughts, outrageous plans while we would lie between the stars and the grass.

Sometimes I wonder why life has changed and why we allow it to change. Sometimes I look at the reasons why we've accepted that change and I just realize that it wasn't worth it. Often I wonder what it would take to get those things back, or even just have something that feels even just half of what it felt like.

I want to go home.

....

"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." - M. Scott Peck