Summer class is officially at an end but I still have a couple more of exams to worry about(or should worry about). I feel like watching a movie but I really shouldn't coz I really don't have the money to spare, but that fact has never stopped me before...hehe. So it's likely that I'm off to the nearest mall when I'm done here. My parents so far have been giving me the silent treatment ever since I wrote the 'letter', so I have still no idea what their reaction is to everything I wrote in there. They probably didn't know how to react either...I guess I wrote some pretty heavy stuff. But my mom sent me an inspirational message just the ysterday...so I really don't know whats up with them. oH WELL, I have till sometime next week to decide what road I'm gonna take...decisions decisions...and all i really want is just a bar of chocolates..sniff.

Hahahaha...been browsing friendster and LAETITIA CASTA(my dream girl) has an account! Hmm...I wonder if it's really her...invite ko nga...hehe. I know, i know...it's pathetic...but any woman who can reduce any man to this state is a force to be reckoned with and should be respected(or worshipped!);p

ehem... sorry about that.

Hmmm, well, admiring celebrity 'impossible-to-be-with' types hasn't really been my thing. Just 'impossible-to-be-with-period'...hehe. I remember the first girl who ever made my realize that twisting insides wasn't necessarily a medical disorder of any sort. I remember seeing her for the first time on my first day of school back in high school. She and one other were the only ones already in a school uniform while the rest of us were still in civilian clothing. She had long and really black hair with one of those teeth thingies that girls put in their hair to keep it in place. Even from the back view...she was eye catching...I guess the right shampoo really helps, hehe. I remember that her 'love-team' was one of my closest buds in class and just for fun we would sometimes compete with ideas on how to win her over (haha, stupid freshmen kids!). Unlike my friend, I really wasn't planning on doing any of that stuff...I guess I enjoyed the thought that I was giving him a run for the money, haha...feeling! But I definitely wouldn't forget the first Friday mass we had in school...which drove my friend insane...coz she sat beside me. I'm usually very attentive at mass but I couldn't help but get anxious about the part where we sing Our Father, it's the part where...ehem...we're all suppose to join hands(;p). I tried but couldn't help but think of how nice her hand felt (God forgive me!). I remember that I really couldn't muster a coherent sentence when I'm around her...someone finally got me to shut up. And I remember one time, when I was alone in an empty classroom playing the piano. She arrived with her bestfriend, sat beside me and we played a duet of 'Blue Moon'. I remember the first school party and I had decided to ask her for a dance, but before I could find her...i found my 'conservative' parents and they dragged me outta there. They said there will always be a next time. There never was. You see, after that night I resigned to never ask anyone for a dance again and that was the last time I would ever dance 'willingly' in public again...up until 4th year college. I don't really remember the logic behind that promise but it stuck even during 3rd year and 4th year prom. I guess I had decided to love her in secret and fom a distance...for reasons that i would probably expound some other time (more likely never). There are too many things that I remember about her. I guess you never forget your first and though there were two others I met along the line, I don't think I'll meet anyone ever again who could have such a strong effect on me. She still crosses my mind every now and then (obviously), and somehow, unconsciously, she will always me the meter to measure anyone else who comes along. Simply because it was her face that love chose to wear the first time it knocked on my door(drama!)

*bangs head on the wall*


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