I thought I would be more free. But I feel I am not. It might be poor judgement to let feelings be the meter of progress but I am just human.
I encountered a story where a former jock eventually grew up to be angry at his father for making him feel like he was better and more "special" than everyone else. To him, it would have been better to have not been fed the notion of his supposed superiority, then maybe he would have coped better with a world that does actually give any hand outs.
It is a hard place to put your identity with God. It just seems so abstract. Church folk do not help with their words so much, sometimes it is all just semantics and empty recycled babble-forgive me for thinking so. I feel like one standing on Sand though I know I am on the Rock of Jesus. I just wished I wasn't so convoluted and complicated these days- looking here, going there, seeing this, thinking that.
But I still have hope I should remember. "I may not be where I want to be but at least I'm not where I used to be."
....
“Hope is both the earliest and the most indispensable virtue inherent in
the state of being alive. If life is to be sustained hope must remain,
even where confidence is wounded, trust impaired.” -Erik Erikson
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