Loneliest Time of the Year
Might as well talk about this now than on the actual date. It's a little less pathetic that way. For a lot of people that time might be Valentines Day, "the day greeting card companies invented to make single people feel miserable". I guess it’s true for some people, but not all. I think most people on Valentines really just experience an acquired sense of loneliness rather than genuine loneliness, curable by the stroke of midnight...or not. Either way, I heard it's a good time to score a date with lonely hot chicks out there who wouldn't normally give you the time of day on any other date of the year. Though how desperate a man would you be to be with a desperate woman? But then again, that is an offense the conscience of most men would be silent on. Well I wouldn't really know, I've never tested that theory...yet.
Anyhow, for me it would have to be New Years Eve. It's just that time that makes you think of the year that's gone by and who you got to spend it with. Who were the "witnesses" to your life? And whose life did you get to witness? Did you get to spend it with someone with whom fifty years from now you'd remind each other that those were the good times? That those were the tough days? That that was how you were when you were young and that it was all real? Friends and family are okay, but there's really a limit to just how much of yourself you can show or share with them. There's really a limit to how much of yourself they can see. Another year goes, and there's just that void inside of you. It just feels like you wasted something. Like a part of you is gone and you know you would eventually wonder if it was ever there in the first place. A part of you is gone, and you just wish you had a chance to give it away, instead of it just evaporating into the cosmos unobserved. That's the trouble when you say goodbye to time, it's not something people can really get used to if they remain, for whatever reason, alone. It's in times like these when even loners feel lonely. Of course it is called the NEW year. It should be more of a hello than a goodbye right? Well, being optimistic is not one of my strong points, and just how excited can you really be when there is no guarantee whatsoever that you'll get to "share" your life this time around. Well, then I'd expect someone to say, "hey, you have a choice y'know." Hmmmm, our "choices" can only take us as far as our reality permits us. Some people say choice is an illusion. Sometimes I tend to agree.
And I guess it doesn't really help that the only other social circle(direct family) I can possibly spend that time with is one I've fallen distant from over the years. It's not as bad as I make it sound. Actually, I'm not sure really. I've come to the point where I've stopped trying to wonder if the family's really happy or not. Of course, there's also the issue of that little secret I've been keeping (and no, I am not gay) that really creates a perceptual distance between me and them. And while we're on the issue, being a guy, I"m already way past the age when I have to separate from the "herd". If you wanna know what I mean, just watch the National Geographic's Special on Bisons.
And I don't know, there's just something about fireworks too that never grows old on me. It always seems so magical, and beautiful and new all the time. It's one of those moments that are just better when someone's there with you to share it with. Maybe someday, on some new years eve, I'll get to have just that. Yeah...that would be pretty nice.
Here's me holding my breath.
Might as well talk about this now than on the actual date. It's a little less pathetic that way. For a lot of people that time might be Valentines Day, "the day greeting card companies invented to make single people feel miserable". I guess it’s true for some people, but not all. I think most people on Valentines really just experience an acquired sense of loneliness rather than genuine loneliness, curable by the stroke of midnight...or not. Either way, I heard it's a good time to score a date with lonely hot chicks out there who wouldn't normally give you the time of day on any other date of the year. Though how desperate a man would you be to be with a desperate woman? But then again, that is an offense the conscience of most men would be silent on. Well I wouldn't really know, I've never tested that theory...yet.
Anyhow, for me it would have to be New Years Eve. It's just that time that makes you think of the year that's gone by and who you got to spend it with. Who were the "witnesses" to your life? And whose life did you get to witness? Did you get to spend it with someone with whom fifty years from now you'd remind each other that those were the good times? That those were the tough days? That that was how you were when you were young and that it was all real? Friends and family are okay, but there's really a limit to just how much of yourself you can show or share with them. There's really a limit to how much of yourself they can see. Another year goes, and there's just that void inside of you. It just feels like you wasted something. Like a part of you is gone and you know you would eventually wonder if it was ever there in the first place. A part of you is gone, and you just wish you had a chance to give it away, instead of it just evaporating into the cosmos unobserved. That's the trouble when you say goodbye to time, it's not something people can really get used to if they remain, for whatever reason, alone. It's in times like these when even loners feel lonely. Of course it is called the NEW year. It should be more of a hello than a goodbye right? Well, being optimistic is not one of my strong points, and just how excited can you really be when there is no guarantee whatsoever that you'll get to "share" your life this time around. Well, then I'd expect someone to say, "hey, you have a choice y'know." Hmmmm, our "choices" can only take us as far as our reality permits us. Some people say choice is an illusion. Sometimes I tend to agree.
And I guess it doesn't really help that the only other social circle(direct family) I can possibly spend that time with is one I've fallen distant from over the years. It's not as bad as I make it sound. Actually, I'm not sure really. I've come to the point where I've stopped trying to wonder if the family's really happy or not. Of course, there's also the issue of that little secret I've been keeping (and no, I am not gay) that really creates a perceptual distance between me and them. And while we're on the issue, being a guy, I"m already way past the age when I have to separate from the "herd". If you wanna know what I mean, just watch the National Geographic's Special on Bisons.
And I don't know, there's just something about fireworks too that never grows old on me. It always seems so magical, and beautiful and new all the time. It's one of those moments that are just better when someone's there with you to share it with. Maybe someday, on some new years eve, I'll get to have just that. Yeah...that would be pretty nice.
Here's me holding my breath.
....
"The Grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for." -Allan Chamers
No comments:
Post a Comment