Mi Casa, No Su Casa

Sometimes, I find myself hanging out by the staircase of our apartment building. I guess it's because the air just seems a bit cooler there at night, and the view doesn't cut directly to a busy street with tricycles breaking whatever peace you may find at nighttime. Though I admit the view is much more different than what I'm used to have from my old place.

Now, the setting is a bit more crowded, a bit more urban, and there are a couple of other condominium and apartment type buildings beside ours. I find myself wondering on who it might be that lives on which floor; and on the rooms where the light is on, I wonder what the occupants might be doing. Usually when the lights flicker, I assume they must be watching television, and I realize how much I miss it. I wonder if anyone of them could be watching Conan O'brien. Sometimes I wonder if they're bored and are just waiting for a reason to go out or if they're just waiting for someone to come home. And where the lights are off, I think of where the persons are when they aren't home. Are they out having a good time? Or do they just hate coming home to an empty room? I think of the all people who live in a building, in their own little rooms piled one over the other and I wonder if it ever occured to them to find out who it is that does the laundry at 3am, or whoever it is that sings the macarena in the shower, or who it is that leaves their garbage by the hall, or who it is that just sits by the window when they've had a long day...

So many lives yet so many strangers. So many people yet so little connection. So many things happening yet I'm not so sure if any of it's suppose to mean anything. The world seems so crowded. So big, so quiet, so empty.

Suddenly I feel lonely. I don't know why.

I feel like one of those fishes in an aquarium in some fancy pet shop. I've got everything I need in my little jar, and there a lot of pretty and bright lights around me. I see a whole lot of other fishes too. Different sizes, different shapes, different kinds. A room full of fishes. But, I'll always be in my little bowl, and they'll always be in theirs. Separation is a cruel thing. It's even worse when everybody is just there.
....

"If you're going through hell, keep going." -Winston Churchill