Sitting by the Window...
having dinner alone in a restaurant can sometimes be a good thing

I realize I can't relate to movies where the son has a hard time dealing with the fact that his parents can't see him play his favorite sport or watch his big theater performance or do whatever his thing is. Nope, I'm not much for having an audience...well, a familiar audience to be exact. Somehow, I'm more comfortable being better competitively at what I do around people I don't know or don't know that well. I think.

When I was younger, I was in this tennis tournament for our school. I was all psyched up about it, not expecting my dad to stay after he'd drop me off. But he did, although I told him that he probably had better things to do(hoping that would he would understand that he didn't have to watch). But he did stay, and see the opposition mop me all over the sandy court. Thing is, I could have beat the guy. I could have played better. I was better. But my dad was watching, and somehow, I fumbled throughout the game.

I wasn't too happy about it after the game. I wanted to blame my dad, but I kept it to myself. I would have to admit that it is pretty weird to not want someone you know cheer you on. Strangely enough, my dad said nothing about me losing that game on that day.

....

I like observing people. Most of the time I end up making stories and theories about them. Usually I do it with strangers, sometimes with friends who don't know I'm watching... and I'm always watching, haha. (ok, maybe that sounded a little bit scary)

It's raining out, and the reflection of halogen lamps on the road seem to have an effect on me. I see people hurry about. Correction, I see people by their lonesome hurry about. I notice, that those with companions(not neccesarily couples) tend to walk slower in the rain...or anywhere else for that matter. I figured it must be that they have to share umbrellas. Then I see that that wasn't true either. For I see two friends who seem to continue a conversation as they walk together despite the fact that they've only got paper to cover their heads. Hmmm, I wonder what that means.

Tonight, I saw a couple...of the romantic kind. Sometimes I wonder if they really love each other. If they'd stay long together. If he's with her coz it feels like she's the first one to make him feel that way. And if that is so, I wonder if she knows that there isn't another guy in the world who sees her the way he does. I wonder that if it's real, if they somehow realize how rare that happens. Sometimes I wonder at the miracle and the absurdity of the idea that two people can mean so much to each other.

Then I saw this girl. Wow. She was pretty. I know that most of the time the usual hormonal reaction that a guy would have is, "What a hot bod!" or something like that. But sometimes, just sometimes...especially nowdays, you get to look at a beautiful woman as if you were looking at a sunset. And you have no idea what a relief that is when that happens...

Yeah, yeah...so I'm turning to a sap, so what? :P

Oh well, I'm too lazy to write down the rest of my thoughts anyhow.

....

"Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world."
-Arthur Schopenhauer