There is nothing beyond the sound of rain hitting rooftops. I can't seem to sleep but somehow listening to Bic Runga's Drive calms me down. I don't suppose it's a crime to slowdance with a faceless woman from time to time(Though admitting to it should be ;p). Sometimes, I wonder what it feels like to hold someone...and for once not think about what it might be you feel for her, or if she even feels the same, or worse think that this is all in your head and not in hers. I wonder what it's like, just for once, to be sure. To hold her hand in yours, keep her close and sway to music that says everything...and just be in that moment.

There's a voice in my head that tells me that once upon a time, I may have had just that. I'm not talking about the slowdance...I've have never done that with anyone 3-dimensional yet. I'm talking about being sure about somebody. But that "once upon a time" didn't quite have an ever after ending, so I guess I was wrong. But that's all past now, I am simply saying that it is truly a beautiful thing when a man and a woman can say that he or she is truly loved by the other. The knowledge of legitimate intimacy, for lack of better words in my vocabulary, is soothing, liberating and almost overwhelming.

I'm not even sure if being sure is what I really want. In so many ways, what I really want is to be unafraid. To be unafraid of what I feel, of whatever I feel I may have to say or of what I may have to do. I don't want to think about things too much anymore. I want to fall, not caring if I hit hard ground or whatever it is we hit when we reach the bottom of it. I don't mean to imply that we should let our emotions just take over and lose our mind over these things. I think what I'm trying to say is that I want to let the questions dissipate into the air, things like "will she like me back?", "will anything really come of it?", "is it worth the risk?" and the like. To just not care about the what-ifs and the maybe's that shadow the honesty of things. That if it is what is, then I would welcome it. To have no other reason to pursue things save for the fact that is damn truth about the situation I'm in. That if nothing would come out of it, then there would be no shame in trying to love something(someone) honestly.

Hmmm, I think I'm starting to think too much again. Maybe it's better for me to just concentrate on dancing with the faceless woman for the rest of the song...


....

"The Defense Department said that troops in Afghanistan discovered several tapes of Osama bin Laden speaking with his followers. And if you order the whole set right now, they'll throw in "The Taliban's Wet 'n' Wild Spring Break."
-Conan O'Brien