"Always leave things a little better than the way you found them." - something I read atop our highschool lockers.

I usually end my entries with a quotation, but today, I decided to start with one. It's still a month and a half too early to make any resolutions, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to get a head start. In more ways than one, I feel different...good different I guess. I'm already a little more hopeful and a little less worried about my life. No, I don't think my life is all dandy and ok, but I'll live...as people always do so as long as they decide to go on. Which reminds me of another quote, "Failure is only a temporary state, it's giving up that makes it permanent". I read that in the Readers Digest way back in 1999. It's funny how I used to think people can only get smarter or better as they get older. I was wrong about this. Because what happened to me was quite the opposite. I think it's funny too that in trying to be a "man", I often try to rememeber the boy I was(if i was the boy who I thought I was anyway)<--i hate having too many voices in my head sometimes. Maybe life isn't always about finding out what you can be, but probably, sometimes it's about finding out who you once were. For some time now, I've been secretly blaming other people for how I've changed, where I am and what's been taken from me. I have to remember that I can only become what I allow myself to be. Sure it gets me down sometimes that people too have stopped caring and probably stopped trying. But I can't let how other people fight their own battles dictate how I fight mine. So i guess I'll just have to try harder at this whole thing called life if I'm ever gonna get all the little things I wished I could get out of it.

So back to the first quote. It was one of my personal favorites when I was still a teen, it still is actually(though I haven't lived up to it). I think if there's one thing everyone wanted, it's in knowing that they've made a difference in their lives and probably, more importantly, that they've made a difference in the lives of the people they've been with. I wonder how many people can say that they actually had. Hmmm, sometimes...i'm just content not messing up other peoples live if can...since I'm probably not in the state to make anything better than what they already are. Call it positive passiveness if you will, hehe, as if there is such a thing. But I think the thing that strikes me most about the quote is that we can...make a difference. I believe we can. I believe that the stuff of heroes aren't just for the dozens of comic books that I've read. I have to believe that all these things I've read and seen aren't just meant for ink and paper but for real people (methinks I'm getting carried away <- shuttup voices in my head! lemme finish). I refuse to believe that these things are merely spineless ideologies that get bounced around to make us secure about our own so called humanity(reeeeally getting carried away). Aside from wishing there were more real life heroes, I really think...deep down...we all really want/wish to be the heroes (well, almost everyone...my 3rd brother genuinely plans to have total world domination, oh well). Hmm...well, I ain't gonna be no hero. But I know I can be better. And maybe, just maybe... I can have a shot at making that better bit of difference. Ok, I'll shut up now.

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Bad news for all Sunken garden lovers. Wait. Let me rephrase that. Bad news for all the people who love to hang out at the sunken garden. If you know (and love) that part of UPD as much as I do, then you've probably noticed the one single tree there that was set apart from the rest simply because it was the only one of its kind, kinda of out of place and didn't quite have its proper foothold like the other trees. Im talking about my favorite tree there, the bended coconut. Well, she ain't bending no more coz she passed away, cut at the base with her carcass spread all over the scene of the crime meant to provide rest to people's bottoms. I'm just sad, I kinda feel like I lost a friend and a memory because it was that tree that kept me company on one of the loneliest nights I had during the time of one of the past UP Fairs.

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"Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do"- posted at AS 101