It's been one of those days for the past few days. I've read somewhere that there is such a thing as male pms. I dunno if there's any truth to that but I do experience sudden urges of  extreme anti-socialism(more than the usual) brought about by emotions from God knows where. Days, that for nor no particular reason, makes you wish you had adamantium claws to slash everything in sight...or at least scare people off to let them leave you alone and let you mumble about life and such in peace. Or, I just end up watching a movie...it usually helps 90% of the time.

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Was trying to finish off my breakfast on the go (fresh milk & croissant) when a couple of kids around the shopping center asked for my croissant, or a bite out of it...and ultimately, for some loose change instead. My first reaction was to avoid them and steer my "breakfast" as far away from their reach as possible.  When I got to the middle part of the shopping center, they finally gave up and turned their attention to the next person who was hopefully more willing to part with their food or money. I was then overcome with a sense of truimph...though it was shortlived since I was then suddenly overrun with an emotion of disgust(with myself) and pity(for the kids). I was disgusted at myself for being disgusted with the kids. Disgusted that I felt quite happy that these undernourished kids didn't get my breakfast. I thought to myself, why should I care? It isn't my responsibility to care for them is it? Where are their parents anyhow? And sometimes I would justify myself by thinking that I wouldn't really be helping them if I tolerated their tendencies to beg...a trait they might carry on till adulthood. But they're just kids who had no choice but be born into the circumstances that they are in. They can't really do anything about it, can they? But even the Catholic Church(in the Phils), if I remember it correctly, issued some kinda statement that giving alms to beggars isn't necessarily a "good" deed since it supports their "dependent" mentality. I don't really disagree but still...it sometimes seems like a lie we tell ourselves to just not care...to just not see them. We pat ourselves on the back, sitting fat and happy at our dinner tables thinking  that by not helping them, we are actually helping them...while they sit in the rain wishing for even just scraps of what we have...even for just a day. Sometimes I tell myself, maybe tomorrow I'll find a way to really help them. But my tomorrows become yesterdays as I keep telling myself "tomorrow...". I dunno...
  
I am suddenly reminded of something that happened way back when I was still a freshman...that's about five years ago. I was coming out from church and was headed to lutong bahay for my dinner. As I was at the shopping center area, there was this street girl who ran after me. I didn't know what it was about so i initially ignored her. But she caught up with me and I was surprised to see that she was handing me a P5.00 coin.  She told me I had dropped it back at the church. I considered the distance she ran and then considered that she probably should have been tempted to keep the money(though not much). I was reactionless for a moment, then I simply told her that it wasn't mine. And I walked away leaving her with a puzzled look on her face.  It was mine as i checked my pockets later, but i figured she deserved to keep it...and i probably should have given her some kinda treat. But it would be years later before I'd bump into her again. It's a simple story really...but it puts to shame a lot of people who don't know a lot about honesty. But whenever I see this girl, it gives me hope and it helps me try to do the same.

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Hmm...here's a comic strip a friend sent me, kinda reminds her of me daw, hehe