It's one of those days again when I try to fight off sleep for no particular reason. I just want to stay up and worry and fry whatever brain cells I have left...though there are very few left to fry anyhow. At least I don't have class for a week in my morning subject for summer since my prof is somewhat sick (ya right!)..., but i'm not complaining since at least for now I don't have to worry about getting up early. I'm pretty moody lately, like now for instance...taking a ride in the middle of the night to some net cafe(kid's, don't try this at home). But so what if I get mugged or something...it would actually save me the trouble I guess.

So far though, nothing of the like has happened (knock on wood)...but at least nothing too dangerous. Like the other day for example, while I was waiting for a ride, these two 'technically' male individuals came up and were apparently waiting for a ride too. It was one of those awkward situations when you try to pretend that you don't notice that they are staring and they get blabby and loud and stuff as if they were'nt two feet away from each other. Eventually, a cab came and they rode first then they invited me to go with them. Swimming daw. Of course, I politely declined (like it'll be a cold day in hell before I'd get into the car with those guys!!!). So they left and I waited for my ride and that was that.

These things happen to me somewhat frequently, even at day time. Like helllooo! Do I look gay or something?(uhm...don't answer that). But I don't get it... do I have special pheromones or something that attract the male of the species? Some people say it's because of the way I dress, some say it's how I act (they didn't expound further), others say it coz I don't seem to be close(in an intimate way) to girls and my ex said it maybe because of the way I stare(ngek!). Oh brother...I don't really care...I just wish they would just stop pestering me coz they'd just be wasting their time and scaring the heck outta me.
But if it were from a girl, then that would be a different story. Though it doesn't really happen that much save for the few times my friends make jokes with me. It's more believable from a stranger I guess. Not that It happens that much to me, just wished it did...at least I'll be flattered for about 5 minutes rather than feel (no adjective has yet been formed to describe the feeling). Though I admit it's still a bit flattering coming from a guy...just pointless that's all.

But as a guy, I don't think I could ever hit on a girl... I'm probably not the type to spark an interesting conversation(pick-up line) in some bar to some gorgeous femme fatale. Heck, I even have this ability to end conversations before they start...much to my disadvantage. Like some time on my sophomore year in college, I was seated next to my ...ehem...current 'crush'(not my crush yet at that time though), and she said maganda daw yung drawing ko or something like that. I didn't even give her a reply. I wasn't shy or anything...probabaly just unsociable...regrets regrets,hehe. Of course, I don't really believe in trying to use cheesy lines to get along with the girls. My closest friends also agree that they can't imagine me trying to do that kinda stuff, not my style daw (meron pala ako nun). I'll win them over daw with the little things...whatever that means. (note: little things might refer to jewelry...could be, could be)

Hehe, I've been talking so much that I forgot what it was that got me talking in the first place. It's a good thing everyone's asleep now and I've got no one to talk to as of now coz I'd probably bug them with endless stories and conversation with the mood I'm in tonight...which is rare. I don't usually open up much, though I don't think there really is much about me to figure out. But still, like everyone, I have my own secrets to keep..hehe. Though tonight I feel like the pandora's box is open...and I'm not drunk...I don't get drunk coz I don't drink... I just get into a talkative mood ever so rarely. So by tomorrow when I wake, I'll be back to normal and the lid still stays shut on the can of worms.

(2nd persona sets in...)

I feel so helpless right now. It's like I've messed up pretty bad and there's nothing I can do to fix it. When I was younger, whenever something was about to happen and it worried me, I'd just think far into the future and say "after tomorrow...it'll be yesterday"(<-it sounds so much more sensible in my head). I wish I could say that now and believe it...like I did back then. Before, when my life wasn't so imperfect, I was kinda jealous of people who had problems. Their lives seemed more real in a way and that mine was just a boring straight line. Well, I guess I got my wish...i sure ain't in a straight line no more... haha (but not haha funny). Right now, what I'm trying to think to myself is that... everyone has a past they'll try to overcome...this will be mine.