WAITING AFTER SUNSET
by lone_wolf

My thoughts of you are painted by

the glow of the moon.

In the quiet embrace of sunless hours,

I find no refuge from one who gives warmth

to places where even sunlight cannot touch.

Your name kisses my lips,

as I uncover your absence with my fingers.

Slowly, I unravel to nakedness,

with only soft wet feet across my cheek to bare witness.

Quietly, I sing myself a lullaby,

of songs I vaguely remember, of music I can never make.

You burn brightly than any other dead star,

against the purple grays that ravage this fragile psyche.

I drift aimlessly, my thoughts gravitating towards you,

my eyes caressed by your haunting.

If this sheen of moonlight must linger to remind me

Of a promise that may never return,

Then let this darkness take me whole,

For only when I sleep, can I stop dreaming of you.

....

Still thinking about the past...
edited journal entries from the not so distant past...

Entry time: 11:58 PM 3/28/2004

I remember a time when i was quite the straight arrow. I had everything in my life going smoothly and was at the top of my game. I never had any problems with my academics, I excelled in sports, was active in various organizations, much accomplished in art competitions and I got along well with everyone. I didn't(and still don't i think) have any vices or bad habits i had to get rid of. No problems in the household either and we were enjoying life as a middle-class family. I guess you could say I had it made. But the funny thing is, in those days, I was so uptight...so formal, I couldn't help it...I guess that's just the way i was and still am. I had no insecurities except for the fact that I considered myself ultimately boring. Not the medals, nor the skills and none of the stature could change that. In some way, to me, people with flaws and problems are more interesting since there is a conflict in their lives that they have to resolve. It's more challenging and more real that way. I considered myself too...likeable, for lack of a better term...too nice...too boring. Nothing about me to figure out or to worry of(but the funny thing is some of them thought I was mysterious...well like the saying goes, "the secret behind every mystery is that there is no mystery at all".). But nowadays, I realize I've finally had my wish... that my life be a bit more problematic. My parents tend to talk of separating every now and then. My academic record has enough red in it to look like a valentines card. I'm in a course I realize I'm not happy in anymore...practically wasted 5 years of my life. I'm dealing with the ghosts and 'demons' of my first failed relationship and the frustrations of loves that could have been. Depression has seeped in and the sky seems a lot less blue. Sometimes, my friendship with some people seems to be plagued as well...so I tend to rather keep my distance most of the time. Sure, I'm still the insufferable boring, uptight schmuck that I was... but now I'm a boring schmuck with very serious problems. I can't even remember the point where I let things spiral out of control or when I stopped caring. I feel like a zombie at times. I realize it was a mistake to wish for something like this. The only thing "real" about me nowadays is that I ain't. What some of my friends would call..."there but not there". Ironically, now that I have less things to be happy about, I try find the time to smile and try to take things less seriously. A couple mistakes didn't kill me...but i have to be careful, coz if i don't try to change the direction I'm headed I just might find the number of mistakes it takes that will.

....

ENTRY DATE: 5/23/2004

"You're underestimating us"

These were the first words my father spoke to me over the phone yesterday as I could hear my mom telling him that all I was planning to eat all weekend was de lata since I'm lately a little short on dough. With his voice, I could almost see him smiling over the phone which in turn caused all my worries, angst and emotional hang-ups accumulated for God knows how long just dissipate into thin air.

Forgiveness is a powerful thing, probably the truest testament there is to Real love...and I'm lucky enough to have it with my family. They said they'll stand by whatever I decide and even if it would have to come to the point that I would even stop school...they said they wouldn't care and that I have already done them proud. (Don't worry, I do plan to finish school!hehe) It was the first time I was seeing them in this light...and for the longest time, I always thought they demanded perfection from me...I guess I was too hard on them. If I hadn't been too afraid to begin with, I may have saved myself a couple of years of school and a lot of pain. But, they're there and nothings gonna change that. And being loved no matter what mistakes you've done is a very powerful feeling and realization.

I should have trusted them more. And now I know...

....

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself."
-Count Leo Tolstoy, Russian novelist

Let there be light...

and there was light! After months of darkness, I've finally decided to kick my butt into really buying that new flourescent lamp. Sure it was fun while it lasted, the dark ambience and the life forms it encouraged to flourish had to end some time.
And just in time for the Chinese new year too, Kung Hei Fat Choi!!!:)

It's been a pretty busy yet successful day for me. I woke up at 6am so I could get to the MRT station before the rush hour. When I got there...I realized I should've gotten up at 4am instead. The place was packed like a sardine can! And I admit, I was still a bit drowsy since I kinda slept late (was at ilang-ilang's tsaa, tsokolate at...etc thanks to argeme, which was fun!), but thanks to the cramped situation of the train, I didn't have to put up much of an effort to stand up. Anyway, it was my first time to go shopping (sorta) in Baclaran with Ralph as the ever trustworthy friend. Headed back to school at around 11:00 but I didn't make it to class...so I went to the afternoon session instead; which was a good thing, coz I bumped into another friend (clue: a fellow blogger), pareho lang pala kami ng Geology 1 professor, hehe.

After class, I had a strong urge to watch a movie alone, just like the good 'ol days. So I went to SM, and watched Assault on Precinct 13, which wasn't a bad choice to make. And I did a little bit of shopping after. I was on my way out to withdraw some cash for a jacket that had my name on it when I passed by a music shop. And I was suddenly reminded of one of my new year's resolutions, and guess what. I ended up buying a guitar instead! haha. Yeah, yeah...people may be inclined to think that I don't have a musical bone in my body but...but...it's a free country! so there! haha, the path to superrockstardom is never easy, but just you people wait and see. Who am I kidding? I hope my boardmates have a good investment in earplugs...:)

....

whaaaa... friensdter is pink!? why is my account pink!? oooh I get it... it's for valentines...


....

"It's tough to stay single in this world where everybody expects you to be with somebody. But staying single is not about having no choice, but rather, it's an oppurtunity to make intellegent choices" -text message from a friend

Today is February 8. It's been 3 years i think. They say time heals all wounds,... I hope they're right.

....

Movie quotes from one of my top five fave movies of all time!
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind


-"Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating."-Joel

-"Why do I fall in love with every woman I see that shows me the least bit of attention?"- Joel

---
coversation between Joel and Clementine in the library, supposedly the memory after the first day they met at the beach.
Clementine: Look man, I'm telling you right off the bat I'm high maintenance. So I'm not gonna tip-toe around your marriage or whatever it is ya got goin' on there. If you wanna be with me, you're with me.

Joel: Okay.

Clementine: Joel, I'm not a concept. Too many guys think I'm a concept or I complete them or I'm going to make them alive, but I'm just a fucked up girl who is looking for my own peace of mind. Don't assign me yours.

Joel: I remember that speech really well.

Clementine: I had you pegged, didn't I?

Joel: You had the whole human race pegged.

Clementine: Probably.

Joel: I still thought you were going to save me. Even after that.
---

-"Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant." -Clementine

---
-the memory Joel decided he wanted to keep afterall:
Clementine: Joely?

Joel: Yeah Tangerine?
Clementine: Am I ugly?

Joel: Uh-uh.

Clementine: When I was a kid, I thought I was. I can't believe I'm crying already. Sometimes I think people don't understand how lonely it is to be a kid, like you don't matter. So, I'm eight, and I have these toys, these dolls. My favorite is this ugly girl doll who I call Clementine, and I keep yelling at her, "You can't be ugly! Be pretty!" It's weird, like if I can transform her, I would magically change, too.
Joel: [kisses Clementine] You're pretty.

Clementine: Joely, don't ever leave me.

Joel: You're pretty... you're pretty... pretty...
---

-"If only I could meet someone new. I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished, seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know."-Joel

---
-the movie ends with this conversation:
Joel: Wait.

Clementine: Why?

Joel: I don't know. Just wait... for a while

Joel: I don't see anything I don't like about you.

Clementine: But you will! But you will, and I'll get bored with you and feel trapped, because that's what happens with me.

Joel: Okay.

[last lines]
Clementine: Okay.
Joel: Okay.

SOME ETERNAL SUNSHINE TRIVIA...

- A sub plot involving Joel having a one night stand with his ex-girlfriend Naomi (Ellen Pompeo) was deleted from the final film.

-The original script featured a cut beginning and ending sequence that took place in the future. In the end, an older Clementine comes in to have the procedure done and a look at her screen shows that she's had the procedure done multiple times and all of them involved Joel. At the very end of the script, an older Joel calls Clementine to ask why she hasn't called, but the technicians performing the procedure erase his message. Other cuts in the original script include a montage of memories people wanted erased, including a soldier seeing his dead friend on a battlefield and a girl who was raped at a young age.

-Before Jim Carrey expressed interest in playing Joel, Nicolas Cage was considered for the role.

-The scene where Joel and Clementine watch the circus go through the streets was made up on the spot, as the film crew and cast happened to be working nearby and Michel Gondry decided it could work well in the film. The part where Clementine disappears suddenly is one of Gondry's favorite moments of the film, as Carrey didn't know Winslet was going to disappear and Gondry likes it because Carrey's face appears so saddened. When the sound blanks out in the final film Carrey is actually saying "Kate?"


If you wanna know MORE script and character
trivia and other cool info on the movie, click here!

....

Beautiful Sunshine
"How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd."
-- Alexander Pope, Eloisa to Abelard.