It's been one of those days for the past few days. I've read somewhere that there is such a thing as male pms. I dunno if there's any truth to that but I do experience sudden urges of  extreme anti-socialism(more than the usual) brought about by emotions from God knows where. Days, that for nor no particular reason, makes you wish you had adamantium claws to slash everything in sight...or at least scare people off to let them leave you alone and let you mumble about life and such in peace. Or, I just end up watching a movie...it usually helps 90% of the time.

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Was trying to finish off my breakfast on the go (fresh milk & croissant) when a couple of kids around the shopping center asked for my croissant, or a bite out of it...and ultimately, for some loose change instead. My first reaction was to avoid them and steer my "breakfast" as far away from their reach as possible.  When I got to the middle part of the shopping center, they finally gave up and turned their attention to the next person who was hopefully more willing to part with their food or money. I was then overcome with a sense of truimph...though it was shortlived since I was then suddenly overrun with an emotion of disgust(with myself) and pity(for the kids). I was disgusted at myself for being disgusted with the kids. Disgusted that I felt quite happy that these undernourished kids didn't get my breakfast. I thought to myself, why should I care? It isn't my responsibility to care for them is it? Where are their parents anyhow? And sometimes I would justify myself by thinking that I wouldn't really be helping them if I tolerated their tendencies to beg...a trait they might carry on till adulthood. But they're just kids who had no choice but be born into the circumstances that they are in. They can't really do anything about it, can they? But even the Catholic Church(in the Phils), if I remember it correctly, issued some kinda statement that giving alms to beggars isn't necessarily a "good" deed since it supports their "dependent" mentality. I don't really disagree but still...it sometimes seems like a lie we tell ourselves to just not care...to just not see them. We pat ourselves on the back, sitting fat and happy at our dinner tables thinking  that by not helping them, we are actually helping them...while they sit in the rain wishing for even just scraps of what we have...even for just a day. Sometimes I tell myself, maybe tomorrow I'll find a way to really help them. But my tomorrows become yesterdays as I keep telling myself "tomorrow...". I dunno...
  
I am suddenly reminded of something that happened way back when I was still a freshman...that's about five years ago. I was coming out from church and was headed to lutong bahay for my dinner. As I was at the shopping center area, there was this street girl who ran after me. I didn't know what it was about so i initially ignored her. But she caught up with me and I was surprised to see that she was handing me a P5.00 coin.  She told me I had dropped it back at the church. I considered the distance she ran and then considered that she probably should have been tempted to keep the money(though not much). I was reactionless for a moment, then I simply told her that it wasn't mine. And I walked away leaving her with a puzzled look on her face.  It was mine as i checked my pockets later, but i figured she deserved to keep it...and i probably should have given her some kinda treat. But it would be years later before I'd bump into her again. It's a simple story really...but it puts to shame a lot of people who don't know a lot about honesty. But whenever I see this girl, it gives me hope and it helps me try to do the same.

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Hmm...here's a comic strip a friend sent me, kinda reminds her of me daw, hehe

Why do I always get the art bug whenever I have too much to do? Maybe if I wasn't sick a few days ago, then I wouldn't have so much academic and org stuff to catch up on...bummer.  I reeeeally have the bug right now, all i need is a pen and a big clean sheet of eggshell paper and time I don't have.  Darn darn darn...and darn again. You guys might be wondering why I'm blogging since i don't have free time on my hands. Well, I had something to type that needed to be printed right away and I'm stuck in this place for a while due to rain. So that's that.
 
Had a blooper today. Spilled my drink in Mcdonald's Philcoa. It was really embarassing despite the fact that there weren't a lot of people around, and I don't think a lot of people noticed either(i hope!)...but still, embarassing. I had no idea too on how it happened. I just put my tray down on the table and I suddenly see my drink falling...falling...falling...in the usual slow motion fashion way these thing tend to happen. But that's nothing compared to the moment that time stands still at the moment realization occurs that the drink has been spilled all over the floor.  The upside to this whole situation is that the management was kind enough to give me another glass...free of charge, hehe.
 
Cleaned up my room today since I'm moving back in. Had to say goodbye to tv again, it was great while it lasted...huhu. But at least I'm back to my trusty computer that doesn't slow down...and I kinda missed my compilation of songs. But what I didn't miss were the loads of laundry and useless stuff that piled up in my room due to the busy nature the org has been for the past few weeks. Speaking of which...the only cool org item I would have wanted to find in my room was stolen since I made the unwise decision of hanging it in the tambayan. That's life for you.
 
Hmm... I better get going, I still have stuff to do.

She'll feel like a song... I think to myself as I lean my head against the glass and listen to the radio.  Like the scenery, images run fast and blur in an instant in my head.  There isn't necessarily a particular thought that stands out, and that's the beauty of it- when things can come to you effortlessly. Just a way of forgetting things by remembering things...ha, as if that makes sense. It's been a while since I've enjoyed a reflective ride on the way home. Usually, i just walk home on the way to my boarding house just on campus but I'm not staying there for a while. I'm doing a favor for my uncle playing watch dog over their house in Fairview because they're gonna be out of the country for a while.  It's not so bad, I get cooked food, a decent bed and tv access...finally! The only downside is having to commute back on forth...which is somewhat bothersome.  I usually end up skipping breakfast or I'll be really late for class. 
 
Wrote the first paragraph a few days ago.  I'm not feeling well...what a bummer, I get chills at night which will forever torment me whenever I get sick since I've been victim to typhoid fever a few years ago.  They say you can never really be cured from it, it just stays dormant in your system and waits until you're physically weak. But I'm not worried about it. Unlike when I was a kid, I really hate getting sick nowadays. Actually, when I was a kid...I could "fake" getting sick. I could actually induce fevers for this purpose, and I would end up spending the day just reading comics or watching tv. Later on in life, i would find out that what I experienced was a psychosomatic illness. Meaning, illnesses resulting from negative emotions. Nowadays, this talent is no longer available to me...well at least not consciously...and it's not really considered a talent. But nonetheless, here I am...bored to death, with nothing to do except watch tv reruns in the morning. Sleep is also a welcome escape from a splitting headache and a running nose. 
 
Watching over my uncle's house has its downside and its upside. Aside from the good things I mentioned earlier, I get to avoid certain individuals. Individuals who insist on inviting me out despite my constant decline especially since even if I were to consider dating...I'm only interested in WOMEN. Last time I checked, it's come to posting messages on my door in the boarding house (my room is supposed to be unknown to them by the way). It's sooo irritating. Thank God I wasn't home then. On the other hand, staying in my uncle's house can be quite scary. Just last night, the next door neighbor (as in next door talaga) was robbed at around 2 in the morning. Thankfully, nobody got hurt...and thankfully, they didn't choose to rob this house. Whew!

It's raining again outside.  I wonder if anyone notices that if you look long enough at raindrops hitting the asphalt road, they seem like a hundred white butterflies fluttering on the ground. But then again, different people see different things...and I'm not just talking about raindrops. Hmm, I'm reminded of those 3d illusion things. You know, the ones with seemingly abstract patterns but if you stare at them long enough, a definite image will appear.  I've seen these things a couple of times but I've never succeeded in seeing any image whatsoever. Never. Ever. It's just frustrating that's all. I must remember to ask someone the technique behind it all, hehe.
 
If had lived in some place like the States (or any place with a considerably large land area), one of the things I'd probably love to experience would be a road trip.  Just drive someplace, anywhere would be just fine, just drive and drive. To lose myself in an ocean of land and get that feeling of endlessness which is ultimately beautiful. To leave most things behind...worries, doubts, obligations, people (ha! as if I don't do these things well enough on regular days)...and just drive.  Of course, I'd have to worry about having a car first.  But for this purpose, I'd picture it to be something red, sporty and something preferably with the option of cruising with the top down.  To go as fast as lawfully as possible with the wind at your face with the car stereo booming...what a high that must feel like.  I wonder if I'll ever get to do that.  I wonder if I'll ever get to do a lot of things I planned on doing way back on my day dreaming days. Like traveling the world for instance.  Something I plan on doing before...ehem...settling down.  Yeah, yeah...I still have plans like those...I may be cynical about love but I don't plan on staying like that forever you know. Anyhow, a few other plans I had were learning how to cook and learning to play at least one instument proficiently. As far as the instrument playing goal is concerned, I've settled to learn at least 10  favorite songs to play on the piano. I've only learned one song so far (Right here Waiting) so I guess that means I've got nine more to go. Yeah...lots of other plans, but someone once told me that just as promises are meant to be broken, plans are meant to be sources of frustration. Sheesh, and they call me cynical.
 
In relation to my previous blog about "reality" dating, i am once again astounded(and entertained) at it's absurdity. In real life, isn't it against the rules to "see" two girls at the same time? And is it now socially acceptable nowadays to kiss torridly someone you've just met for five minutes and move on to another girl/guy in the next five minutes? In one of these kind of shows, a guy actually gets to date 25 girls at most at the same time. He gets to hang out, talk, kiss, even take a bath and etc... with them all at the same time(practically). And they all seem pretty fine with this idea. I just worry about the kiddies watching these shows nowadays especially since "parental guidance" isn't so available considering this generation usually has both parents out of the house most of the time. Or do the parents even realize the threat? Or am I just over reacting? Hehe..I probably am.
 
So here I am, in a room filled with orange light. I'm listening to the radio again. Yup, she'll feel like a song...that's when I know that lightning has struck. I don't know what she looks like, so I guess listening these songs will do for now.
 
Somebody please hit me with something hard to put me to sleep...
 
 
 
     
                 "People aren't really afraid of being serious, they only fear of not being taken seriously"-:)