POISON
Untangle me from this web i weave
Spun from threads that peirce through me
Drown me in my desires
Burning from crust to core
Eat me up till i am nothing more
Tie me up in chains and throw away the key
For only when freedom is lost can i be truly free
Songs are sung by poets gone
Of lovers that lasted till the next morn
Silence mocks such empty words
Of loves that came but never were
For soon i shall cease to write
And silence shall mock me forevermore
There has always been something in silence that seduced me. The quiet things somehow seem more moving, more potent. So much stays in the realm of the unsaid, and after everything else, still so much would remain when we could say all that we can.
Friday, January 30, 2004
Sunday, January 25, 2004
It's almost twelve and I'm in front of a computer when I should be studying for an upcoming exam. So what else is new? Day in and day out, I'm stuck between the dilemma of conflicting interests. There are things I would rather rather do, but do not because they are not what I have committed myself to and it would lay a heavy burden on my conscience should I engage in these interests (rather vague, no?). However, neither do I end up doing very well what I'm suppose to coz I would rather be doing something else. Oh and how this continues. In the end, I end up accomplishing nothing. Tomorrow holds no meaning if it's just a vicious cycle... it's almost scary to think that this is all there is. Trapped in a box... we all are, in one form or another. Or maybe I'm just too stupid or too scared to find a way out of this. All this thinking hurts and I most probably haven't said anything that would make sense. But then again, maybe nothing is suppose to... which would explain why man is the only creature with a sense of humor. Humor comes from the absurd and only we seem to realize the absurdity of things. As Hobbes said to Calvin (from the comic strip of that kid with the stuffed tiger) "If we didn't have a sense of humor, I guess we couldn't react to a lot in life".
....
....
ALL IN A LIVING
by lone_wolf
He was walking briskly through the hurrying crowd of Christmas shoppers by the alley of some super mall, quite in step to the cheerful tune of Christmas songs played at full volume by nearby music stores. He then dug his hands deep into his pockets to feel the mound of cash he acquired just earlier from selling stolen cell phones and smiled to himself.
" Haha, with this, I could earn boasting rights to my kumpares and even treat them to a couple of rounds of drinks. There’s nothing better than getting drunk on the holidays." He thought to himself happily.
Then suddenly, he envisioned coming home to what almost seemed like a pigsty to him. He could see his fat wife berating him once again for going on another one of his drinking sprees. They would have another one of those arguments. He could also imagine the stench and the noise coming from his three very young children, the youngest of which was only six months old. Oh, how tired he was of this kind of life.
" If I could just have enough money, I could make a few changes in my stupid little house. Hell, if I had enough money, I’d leave that little hellhole, be on my own and start anew." He thought, not really knowing if he meant any of it.
As he continued to ponder on how frustrated he was with his life, he suddenly saw a beggar sprawled by the street corner. He noticed that the beggar hardly had any clothes on and was quite oblivious to the passersby, as he was sitting upon crumpled old newspapers. As he got closer, he could tell from the sight and smell of things, that this beggar has probably decided long ago to never take a bath.
"Well thank God that at least I’m not this loser", he whispered to himself as he dropped a clean hundred-peso bill into the beggar’s little can. As he was walking away, he felt something soft hit his head from the back. As he turned around and looked down, he found his hundred-peso bill crumpled into a ball by his foot. Slowly he looked to the direction of the beggar, not sure of what just happened. Before he could even remark, the beggar suddenly exclaimed,
"I know who you are, you filth, and I don’t want any of your filthy cash either."
"Filth?" The words rang over and over in his head before they could actually register.
"Filth?" He muttered again, as if in shock.
"Are you calling me filth? You ungrateful little dirt bag! And who are you to call me filth? You’re a worthless nobody who’ll never amount to anything more than being an eyesore in these streets!" he said angrily.
Then suddenly, almost shamefully, he started to turn and walk away. He wasn’t even sure why he even bothered to talk to the beggar. He must have seemed crazy to the few people who passed by. Heck, for all he knew, this beggar was probably crazy anyway. Yes, he must be crazy, he thought. Why else would he not accept his hundred-peso bill and moreover, insult him? " The beggar’s definitely crazy," he thought.
"Ha! You are filthier than I am, for at least I live with a clean conscience. You laugh at me for I have nothing to wear nor nothing to eat, but who are you to do so? When I know for a fact that the things you own now do not come from honest work. Yes, I have nothing but at least I don’t steal. Is that what you want to brag to me about? That you are better than I because you steal?" the beggar shouted.
The thief was amazed and now, really shocked. "How could this man know what I do? He must have noticed me since I usually work in these parts," he thought. He was quite thankful for at the moment there were no bystanders to notice them. He then walked a few steps toward the beggar and replied, "You actually believe that you are better than me? If you truly were righteous, you would be looking for an honest living. Don’t forget, laziness is just as sinful as stealing. No work is just as bad as dirty work. Besides, I have several mouths to feed; I can’t just sit around and be self-righteous! If I have to steal to keep my family alive then so be it. Life is worth anything, even sin."
"Ha, don’t give me that. I’m sure you could find a decent job if you really meant to." The beggar sneered.
"Ha, if you really believe what you are saying, then what are you sitting around here for waiting for people with an honest living to pity you?" he said sarcastically.
"...."
It seemed that the beggar was thinking deeply on what to reply when a feminine voice suddenly interrupted their conversation, "Oh, would you two just shut up!" The two men looked to that voice and noticed that it came from a fairly attractive young lady in very skimpy attire. The thief wondered why he didn’t notice her earlier for she was just standing by a nearby post. She came closer and continued after a puff of smoke; "We all do what we have to do to make it in this unfair world. Yes it is our instinct to survive, in whatever way it may be. We all have our excuses why we do what we do, but these reasons only explain our acts, it doesn’t justify them. Please lets not fool ourselves. What we do is wrong; sometimes it’s just downright dirty."
The two men fell silent.
Then she knelt down to pick up the crumpled hundred-peso bill, exposing her luscious cleavage. While inserting the bill between her chest, she said in her most sensual voice, "But if either of you ever get to have cash to spend sometime in the near future, do let me know. I’ll make sure it would be worth your while. And don’t worry, I won’t mind if it’s clean or dirty money, so long as its money."
END
by lone_wolf
He was walking briskly through the hurrying crowd of Christmas shoppers by the alley of some super mall, quite in step to the cheerful tune of Christmas songs played at full volume by nearby music stores. He then dug his hands deep into his pockets to feel the mound of cash he acquired just earlier from selling stolen cell phones and smiled to himself.
" Haha, with this, I could earn boasting rights to my kumpares and even treat them to a couple of rounds of drinks. There’s nothing better than getting drunk on the holidays." He thought to himself happily.
Then suddenly, he envisioned coming home to what almost seemed like a pigsty to him. He could see his fat wife berating him once again for going on another one of his drinking sprees. They would have another one of those arguments. He could also imagine the stench and the noise coming from his three very young children, the youngest of which was only six months old. Oh, how tired he was of this kind of life.
" If I could just have enough money, I could make a few changes in my stupid little house. Hell, if I had enough money, I’d leave that little hellhole, be on my own and start anew." He thought, not really knowing if he meant any of it.
As he continued to ponder on how frustrated he was with his life, he suddenly saw a beggar sprawled by the street corner. He noticed that the beggar hardly had any clothes on and was quite oblivious to the passersby, as he was sitting upon crumpled old newspapers. As he got closer, he could tell from the sight and smell of things, that this beggar has probably decided long ago to never take a bath.
"Well thank God that at least I’m not this loser", he whispered to himself as he dropped a clean hundred-peso bill into the beggar’s little can. As he was walking away, he felt something soft hit his head from the back. As he turned around and looked down, he found his hundred-peso bill crumpled into a ball by his foot. Slowly he looked to the direction of the beggar, not sure of what just happened. Before he could even remark, the beggar suddenly exclaimed,
"I know who you are, you filth, and I don’t want any of your filthy cash either."
"Filth?" The words rang over and over in his head before they could actually register.
"Filth?" He muttered again, as if in shock.
"Are you calling me filth? You ungrateful little dirt bag! And who are you to call me filth? You’re a worthless nobody who’ll never amount to anything more than being an eyesore in these streets!" he said angrily.
Then suddenly, almost shamefully, he started to turn and walk away. He wasn’t even sure why he even bothered to talk to the beggar. He must have seemed crazy to the few people who passed by. Heck, for all he knew, this beggar was probably crazy anyway. Yes, he must be crazy, he thought. Why else would he not accept his hundred-peso bill and moreover, insult him? " The beggar’s definitely crazy," he thought.
"Ha! You are filthier than I am, for at least I live with a clean conscience. You laugh at me for I have nothing to wear nor nothing to eat, but who are you to do so? When I know for a fact that the things you own now do not come from honest work. Yes, I have nothing but at least I don’t steal. Is that what you want to brag to me about? That you are better than I because you steal?" the beggar shouted.
The thief was amazed and now, really shocked. "How could this man know what I do? He must have noticed me since I usually work in these parts," he thought. He was quite thankful for at the moment there were no bystanders to notice them. He then walked a few steps toward the beggar and replied, "You actually believe that you are better than me? If you truly were righteous, you would be looking for an honest living. Don’t forget, laziness is just as sinful as stealing. No work is just as bad as dirty work. Besides, I have several mouths to feed; I can’t just sit around and be self-righteous! If I have to steal to keep my family alive then so be it. Life is worth anything, even sin."
"Ha, don’t give me that. I’m sure you could find a decent job if you really meant to." The beggar sneered.
"Ha, if you really believe what you are saying, then what are you sitting around here for waiting for people with an honest living to pity you?" he said sarcastically.
"...."
It seemed that the beggar was thinking deeply on what to reply when a feminine voice suddenly interrupted their conversation, "Oh, would you two just shut up!" The two men looked to that voice and noticed that it came from a fairly attractive young lady in very skimpy attire. The thief wondered why he didn’t notice her earlier for she was just standing by a nearby post. She came closer and continued after a puff of smoke; "We all do what we have to do to make it in this unfair world. Yes it is our instinct to survive, in whatever way it may be. We all have our excuses why we do what we do, but these reasons only explain our acts, it doesn’t justify them. Please lets not fool ourselves. What we do is wrong; sometimes it’s just downright dirty."
The two men fell silent.
Then she knelt down to pick up the crumpled hundred-peso bill, exposing her luscious cleavage. While inserting the bill between her chest, she said in her most sensual voice, "But if either of you ever get to have cash to spend sometime in the near future, do let me know. I’ll make sure it would be worth your while. And don’t worry, I won’t mind if it’s clean or dirty money, so long as its money."
END