It's around 4 in the morning. No surprise that I'm still awake. It's like the good old days- the wandering days. My mind wanders here and there, but sadly nowhere new. Sadly, nothing's ever new. It must be noted though that I don't feel like running anymore, or walking out the cold lonely streets where hungry people are the only ones left awake.
Maybe that's what I am, one of the hungry. Jesus said as much. But I won't talk about God right now lest I confuse my thoughts as His.
Life is a funny thing. So many contradictions. So many inconsistencies. So meaningless. The daily posturing is meaningless. Most talk is meaningless. Trees have said nothing yet I feel they have done more than I or most other people in this world.
Maybe it is pride that makes me hate this world so. Maybe I want to look at it like a glass jar and amuse myself at how absurd it is. Maybe I want to think myself apart from it-different. But then that would be denial.
....
“You may wonder, 'How can I leave it all behind if I am just coming back
to it? How can I make a new beginning if I simply return to the old?'
The answer lies in the return. You will not come back to the 'same old
thing.' What you return to has changed because you have changed. Your
perceptions will be altered. You will not incorporate into the same
body, status, or world you left behind. The river has been flowing
while you were gone. Now it does not look like the same river.” -Steven Foster
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