Backseat epiphanies

I think most days are the same. The blank pages are new every day and my wounds from yesterday's emptiness would not have even healed yet. I take some time only to realize that it is time that takes my life from me. If it were not for hate, my heart would be empty. Maybe, almost empty.

I want to go back. Afternoon bike rides. Sunday beaches. Midnight burgers. Grade school dreams. The first time of anything beautiful. But I always knew, even back then, that it wouldn't be easy. And isn't this the fight I've always wanted? I just didn't expect to grow up into such a coward.

So many intangibles to the dream that begs not to be forgotten. Only a vague image, a mere whisper of better things that could come. I wouldn't know what it would look like, but I think I'd know what it's suppose to feel like. But is that enough to go on? Too many are the realities that destroy a soul. Too many.

But as I still draw breath, I know these hauntings will not leave me. When tomorrow will come, I am almost certain that my sins would be heavy. When that happens, I am not sure if what I would want is forgiveness or forgetting. And they are not the same.

....

"A person is smart, but people are stupid."