Near the end of the movie Batman: The Mask of the Phantasm, a bowed Bruce Wayne is left in the darkness of his cave, probably fathoming to the full extent just how empty it is- after believing that he had lost his love that night...a second time.
"I couldn't save her Alfred." he finally says.
"Perhaps she didn't want to be saved..."was the initial reply of his trusted servant, the lone witness to the entire story.
But he would find out a few moments later that she was alive, leaving her pendant within the cave. But it wasn't a sign of hope, it was a way of saying goodbye.
That scene still moves me as well as puzzles me now as it did the first time I saw it. My older (pesky) brother probably sensed my irritation at the absurdity of the two lovers choosing not to be lovers, told me that in the book, the girl eventually married the guy she met at the boat as she left Gotham. I just give my brother a dry stare and kept my thoughts to myself. But I never did care to check if that was indeed how it ended in the book, didn't want that version to be the final version in my head.
Sometimes I wake up wondering what's the point of getting up in the morning. Somewhere along the way, I made a stupid choice, I'm sure of it. People just don't lose the vastness they feel for life overnight. But now, things just seem so...small. What was it that made me see things this way? I wish someone would just tell me. I wish I had it in me to listen if someone did. But throughout the day, everyday, life isn't really so bad. A few things keep you going, keep you hoping, and we really get more chances than we deserve...
In the end, I find myself asking...
Do I want to be saved?
....
"Man seeks to escape himself in myth, and does so by any means at his disposal. Drugs, alcohol, or lies. Unable to withdraw into himself, he disguises himself. Lies and inaccuracy give him a few moments of comfort." - Jean Cocteau
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