Secret Garden

Sometimes, hanging out by the sunken garden, I realize that I have been tamed. By who or what, I'm not so sure. There used to be days when I could think up a thousands ways to spend a beautiful afternoon, and here I am just looking at the inviting green expanse before me as if it were just some living room picture. Soon I'd have to get back home, get back to the quiet routines of life. Why? Well, quite frankly I've stopped asking that question.

It's not really a lack of inspiration. I used to think it was. But I realize, before the things around us seem to change, there is first a change in how we see the things around us. All change that is regrettable and significant, begins as always, from the inside. The sad thing is that it usually begins unnoticed. And yeah, sure, we all have reasons for this change. But I don't want to think about those now. Everyone's got one. I have many. Probably even very legitimate ones. But regardless, the quarrel is never won despite such skillful and trained arguments from the mind to make sense of a life not lived and love/s unventured. There are just some things our souls will never understand. Surrender being one of them. Acceptance is not necessarily the same as contentment, without the latter it is simply denial. But why we are better at denial than at courage, one can only guess.

I breath in the wind that tries to soothe me, as she tells me she will always be here despite my faults. Maybe someday, I will return and just as the green grass has its seasons, so will my life. I try to breathe in much more than just the wind for that moment- the way the sun's rays peek from the clouds, the kids laughter as they play on the grass, the satisfying thud the ball makes with a good kick, of memories and people who may not even know that I keep them with me. I breath it in and never exhale. This small thing I will keep, this little piece of peace, my secret garden. For now, this will do.

Yes, life is beautiful. Yet here I am, afraid to see it, for I am filled with so much hesitation.

....

"If you want to build a ship, don't herd people together to collect wood and don't assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea." -Antoine de Saint-Exupery