I remember a little incident I had on my way to work in Makati a few months ago. It was never a big deal for me to commute from UP to the office(or studio rather), and I was surprised at myself for not even feeling a pang of irritation or discomfort when one day, the sight of traffic was really bad because there was a major rally going on. As I finally got to Makati avenue, I was greeted by the largest and longest assembly of people in red shirts with flags that screamed "OUST GLORIA" I have ever seen. Even then, there was hardly any negative reactions from myself to the situation. But I thought it was wise to linger in the streets in the least amount of time possible just in case things would get terribly awry, as this usually seems to happen in the evening news. So I walked at a faster pace on the crowded sidewalk but I was careful not to bump into anyone. But one sidewalk vendor carrying cigarettes and candy in a box on her shoulder made a careless turn as her back was turned to me and we bumped into each other...quite hard, which sent all her stuff flying to the ground with coins making that sound they make only on accidents such as these. She then goes screaming "P!#@$$# Ina!" and a whole lot of other stuff I'm less familiar with. I think she was shouting coz she expected that I would already be a good distance away from the incident but she ceased her profanities when she saw me pick up some of the stuff that fell and that a few others did the same. When everything was back in order she apologized to me and offered some explanation as to why she reacted the way she did at first, though I couldn't really hear her, I think I knew what she was trying to say. To let her know it was okay, I offered her a polite smile and went on my way. It was then I realized that I seemed unusually calm about things. Something was different...good different. Though it isn't exactly unfamiliar territory, it's a rare occurence (as I would suspect would be the case for most of us). I remember one other time I was like this, at some higher state of peace, and it was 7 years ago. I wasn't kidding about it being a rare occurence, hehe. I was still a freshman in college in a new place, on my own and seemingly far from home...though some would probably say I handled the adjustment pretty well. Anyway, I realize now that it was a weird time for me as I look back at it. It was then I think that I found out what God was really about. Probably the best thing that could happen to anyone... wait, let me rephrase that. It is the best thing that could happen to anyone... finding out how REAL He is. That would have probably been the reason why I was at peace with myself back then, a state that lasted for almost two months. But little did I know, that beginning from that time on until the years that would follow, the events that would unfold would destroy a boy. Funny how it turned out. I found my God but lost my way. But I am still thankful, that though my eyes would never hold that same smile I did back then, I still have some semblance of that peace inside me that I found long ago.

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"We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations."- Anais Nin