Darn ATM machine didn't give me money! But it registered a withdrawal of P500...grrr...so I guess I have to skip dinner tonight just so I can surf the net. Well, I kinda promised myself to make it a point to either make a blog entry or submit a deviation at my dA account. And that's that.

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Weird. Some guy I vaguely remember from arki actually approached me when I was buying snacks late at night at the Kha's canteen. For someone I don't even know on a first name basis, I found it awkward to answer his questions as to why I shifted. Like who cares...I just gave the ever ready reply of, "la lang". I guess I'm just anti-social.

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I'm almost done with the semester, just one more plate to go...wohoo!

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I've got nothing more to say that I want people to read. ta ta


-"It takes a certain degree of intellegence to be unhappy..." -some professor in UP Manila medical school

John Rzeznik
I'm Still Here

I am a question to the world,

Not an answer to be heard.

All a moment that's held in your arms.

And what do you think you'd ever say?

I don't listen anyway:

You ignore me,

And I'll never be what you want me to be.

And what do you think you'd understand?

I'm a boy, no, I'm a man

You can't take me and throw me away

And how can you learn what's never shown?

Yeah, you stand here all alone

They don't know me 'cause I'm not here

And I want a moment to be real,

Wanna touch things I don't feel,

Wanna hold on and feel I belong

And how can the world want me to change,

They're the ones that stay the same

The don't know me,

'Cause I'm not here

And you see the things they never see

All you wanted, I could be

Now you know me, and I'm not afraid

And I wanna tell you who I am

Can you help me be a man?

They can't break me

As long as I know who I am

And I want a moment to be real,

Wanna touch things I don't feel,

Wanna hold on and feel I belong

And how can the world want me to change,

They're the ones that stay the same

They can't see me,

But I'm still here

They can't tell me who to be,

'Cause I'm not what they see

And the world is still sleepin',

While I keep on dreamin' for me

And they'll want to just whispers,

And lies that I'll never believe.

And I want a moment to be real,

Wanna touch things I don't feel,

Wanna hold on and feel I belong

And how can the world want me to change,

They're the ones that stay the same

I'm the one now,

'Cause I'm still here

I'm the one,

'Cause I'm still here

I'm still here.

I'm still here.

I'm still here

Is it insmonia? Or do i just really hate to sleep? I can't figure it out. I realize that it is on sunless hours that either demons or angels would tread my fuzzy little brain, for most of the day I am simply gray space...a non event...a white flag of sorts. So more or less, I feel most real on the unguarded yet solitary moments at night. Because when we are alone, there is no escape from our own voices, no distraction to our thoughts...and no one else scrutinize but ourselves. Of course, it's not always as bad (or as humdrum) as I make it sound. There are some good nights as well, that I wish would have never ended, or at least would have lasted a bit longer than most. But these I find a bit rare as of late. Mostly, I feel like I don't really know what to make of life. What to do. I'm not talking about the issue of shifting courses, nor anything academic, vocational, financial and such. I'm talking about LIFE. Doesn't anyone ever feel like things are extremely lacking? Like we do the stuff we do, day in and day out, simply to accomplish whatever it is we feel we need to accomplish for the sake of our self-worth? Like rats in some experiment, never knowing the bigger world, nor never seeing beyond their own immediate choices. I get this feeling a lot. Especially at night. There has got to be something more to this life. More than putting up with people and all our mixed-up philisophies and principles. There's gotta be something more to it than to pursue a piece of paper for the rest of your life, more to it than to listen to friends and strangers alike just contradict themselves, always looking at other people with a microscope but looking at themselves with dirty lens. There's gotta be more than hearing everyone talk about everyone else thinking they really know better. Maybe, definitely, there is a lot more to it than that. And that's exactly what keeps me awake. The feeling that real things are out there, and I'm just as blind as most to see it, cowardly like some to risk it. The feeling, that I am just everybody else. How is it that I would want to sleep? Tomorrow may just be a chance to start over...or simply just a way of for everything to stay just as they have been.

....

A friend of mine recently opened up to me about certain problems regarding being "single"(haha, don't we all?). Though it's a topic I am all too familiar with, I really didn't have any bright ideas about it either. It's probably one of those problems you can't do anything about. It's either you are single or not. Though she stressed out that it is really harder for women than it is for men. We have more "socially" acceptable solutions to the problems of singleness, we could always be on the aggressive and be active about solving this problem whereas women (by strong public opinion) should sit and wait relying merely on their charms too lure a man or as my friend slightly implied as a having to make do with whoever comes your way. I'm not exactly against girls showing affection or maybe even making "the first move", but it's not something I would recommend still to my female friends. As Shakespeare put it, "Men are made too woo and not to be wooed". Of course, this also depends entirely on the intent of the woman. Appealing to other parts of the male besides the heart may prove to be more successful, hehe. She also brought up the matter that most of the guys that did want to be with her weren't "decent". On this account, I could also not offer any valuable consolation or advice. Quite simply, maybe...these things are just waiting games(ha! God knows I know)...and maybe having a little faith that there's someone for everyone wouldn't hurt.
(...to be continued)

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I played tennis again after a long time hiatus. Played with noelle for the first time last wednesday morning. Though a bit tense to find out just how rusty I was with my backhand swing, the most challenging part was to wake up as early as 6:30am(I am just not a morning person usually), since i sleep like a rock at those hours. But thank heavens that I did wake up and playing tennis again was worth it, and I had lotsa fun. Can't wait to play...can't wait...can't wait. Hmm...Actually, I'll be excited to pplay just about any kind of sport, hehe.

That evening, I went out with two of my closest college friends Jay-es and Kaygee. We went out to have a belated birthday celebration for Jay-es. As always, being in their company always brings out my lighter spirits. Plus, we got lucky that night! The three of us got to watch two movies for the price of one! Well, we first bought tickets for Anaconda's coz the celebrant is dreadfully fearful of snakes(yup, she's lucky to have us as friends:P). But the usher didn't collect our tickets when we came in. So when that movie (and my friends screaming) was ove, we tried our luck having our "uncollected" tickets replaced for another movie. And to make the story short...we got to watch the Terminal! haha. That night was certainly one with a lot of laughs. Sometimes...I do feel lucky with the friends I have.